Tuesday, January 6, 2009

When It Rains...

My last post was brimming with optimism and positivity...well as positive as I can muster. It took all of five days for most of that to spiral down the crapper and land in the sewage pit of post-holiday depression. I blame the following:

One. On Monday the rest of the world , for better or worse [leaning towards worse], returned to itself. The holidays ground to a halt. Decorations are disappearing. Trees are being abandoned on curbs. Jobs are being returned to. What am I doing? Still taking things out of boxes. Not that I want a job to go to. Being a full-time student is the kind of blissful unemployment to be envied. But since I don't have a class til February, I'm not returning to anything like everyone else. Except more boxes.

Two. The Weblog Awards. When you see people doing something so much better than you [or at least being noticed much more for doing the same crappy job you're doing] it's like coming to a fork in the road. One path leads to being inspired by their efforts and cracking your knuckles and saying, "one day...." The other path goes off the side of a cliff and you fall into a smelly funk of despair that your blog is like the 739th comma in 600 page novel that only a handful of people read in the first place [woah...outdid myself on that one!]. But as Yogi Berra says, when you come to a fork in the road...take it. I've been down both roads, and today happens to be an over-the-cliff-day. But I believe I can only acheive what I advocate, so head over to the polls and vote. There's some damn great blogs I never heard of til I went to vote myself.

Three. The rain. This is what I get for bitching too much about the snow and ice in the mid-west. It's been raining five out of seven days here in Raleigh and it's depressing me to no end. I'm convinced I got that seasonal mood thing which was never a problem when I lived in Barbados [I was depressed for many other reasons]. It's still winter, so now I'm cold and wet instead of just cold. But as my friend Tony from Minnesota reminded me, at 45 degrees he puts on shorts and plays golf, so it's all relative. Crazy bastard. Can't wait to go visit.

Four. The clouds. Still blocking the sun when it's not raining as if to say, "thought you'd get your hopes up today? tsk, tsk, tsk."

Five. Did I mention the rain?

Six. Ministerial School. Yes, the very thing that brings my blissful unemployment and is the stepping stone to what I am [fairly] positive I was put on this planet to do is doing a number on my psyche. Take a gander at my Reverend Agnostic post and you'll have some idea. Things aren't getting any better. I'm questioning myself more and more and doubting myself more and more. Naturally, I'm being told I'm exactly where I need to be. Really?! I'm ready for a freakin' GPS right about now.

Seven. World chaos. From the you-know-what hitting the fan in the middle-east to the four-year-old shooting his babysitter [I said Coco-Puffs already!]. Holy Crap! It's not been a week yet! I've already said my piece on kids and guns but just to be clear, let's put the parents away instead.

In keeping with my true half-glass-full nature I'll tell you what's getting me out of bed these days. I'm teaching myself to play bass-picked up a gorgeous 5-string on craig's list and I've been slapping along to Alanis Morrisette and some other more severe head-banging songs. I've been downloading new music like crazy with my Zune pass-unlimited downloads for $15/month. I can't share or burn the songs, just listen on the Zune [thumbs down to DRM-like itunes got rid today], but it's like crack. I'm drumming at church too-nothing like hitting stuff to get adrenaline in your veins. Even though my limbs are protesting mightily, working out is a good thing because male model is still slightly lower on my intention list than top 5.

So how's your year turning out so far? Or is it too early to ask?


wakati said...

You might want to check out Steve Pavlina's blog (stevepavlina.com). If you think your mind is in a bend now, just wait. He is also an excellent blogger and recently became an author.

Wonder-Rachel said...

How do you "become" an author? Sign me up! I've been authoring things for years and would swoon if someone called me an author. :)
I digress...
Keep on truckin buddy - it always gets better.
I read the Reverend Agnostic post - I must have started reading just after that time since I didn't remember it. I'm sure that's a tough place to be in your head... But I do like some of your ideas on divinity. I had the Mormon Missionaries knock on my door last week and had already yelled at the dog before I looked out the peephole so I couldn't hide. I grew up Mormon and was ready to shoot them down. For some reason I didn't want to hear him tell me he knew my heavenly father loved me and hoped I would return to him someday... this was clearly saying that on my current path I would NOT be returning to god. Whatever. I told them with a smile that I didn't believe in God. lol
Where are you going to school anyway?