Sunday, April 26, 2009

It might be time...

Once again Joy steps up to provide the hilarity. 

This past Friday was date night and as Jen was getting dressed she asked Joy's opinion on her very sexy form-fitting blouse that revealed her distractingly attractive cleavage.

Joy's reply: "Um...no mom. Not on you. Maybe on somebody else."

It might be time for boarding school.

The other too-strange-for-words event was the message we found on our answering machine after date night.
A heavily-slurred loud voice: "I want you live like the gay woman you are....right then."

It might be time for a new phone number.

Life...game, cereal, never a dull moment.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

He's Baaaaack!

Hey gang. I'm back, I'm black, and ready to get crack...ing on more blogg...ing... aaaand I've just ruled out poetry, rap, and spoken word for alternative career plans. 

I've had a few weeks break [total work overwhelm] and I'm done class for a month so I'm returning to the blogosphere at a time that I'm guaranteed to be awake til at least one in the morning more often than not because it's NBA PLAYOFFS BABEEEEE! so for the next month and a half I'll be a walking sleep-deprived-yet-wired zombie most likely blogging as I watch the games which might lead to nonsensical postings [nothing new] and ridiculously lengthy run-on sentences posing as paragraphs [more nothing new].

Please breathe now if you rely on punctuation for air.

This morning's blog fodder comes courtesy of my sweet eight-year-old offspring Joy and my less-than-perfect parenting skills. Joy was bitten on her chest by a tick [we think] a few days ago when she visited the great outdoors also known as the in-laws' homestead. We thought we'd pulled it out but there's a huge swollen red bump in the middle of her chest. 

And the conversation went like this:

Jen: That's huge! It's like Chandler!
Me: HA-HA-HA!!
Joy: HA-HA-HA!!
Me: Why are you laughing? You don't get it!
Joy: Yes I do-Chandler has three nipples! 

Parenting lesson for today: Yeah...she was watching.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

I'm trying this new program called Cellspin. It should allow me to post from my phone. I could always email to the blog but somehow I've succumed to the delusion that a shiny new free app for my BlackBerry Storm will make me more productive.

I writing this on my Storm and I'm going to stop now because it's taking three times as long and my thumbs hurt from correcting all the typos.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Jesus, Santa, and the Easter Bunny

Earlier this week one of my wife's co-workers asked us, "Does Joy still believe in Santa and the Easter Bunny? I thought my daughter [8 like Joy] didn't anymore but yesterday she said we've got to take her Easter basket on our trip so the Bunny can make his deliveries."

I said: "As long as we keep putting crap out for Joy to wake up and find, she's gonna believe."

Co-worker: "Yeah, she'll be like 'This doesn't make sense, but crap keeps showing up...oh well.'"

Me: "She's too smart for her own good. Probably keep "believing" at fourteen to get more crap."

Co-worker: "But should I tell my daughter the truth? I don't want her to find out on the streets."

Me: "At least not at the same time she finds out about drugs and hookers."

Co-worker: "What?!"

Me: "Nothing. She's eight...no harm no foul I suppose. Childhood innocence is disappearing fast enough as it is. I say let them hold on to the Bunny for at least another year.

So I got to thinking about the Easter Bunny which naturally lead me to thinking about Jesus and Santa Claus. Easter, after all, is about Jesus and who doesn't think of Santa when they think of the Easter Bunny. Which got me thinking how timing is everything because here we have two men that we're pretty sure existed [Jesus and Saint Nicholas] who were both generous and both had a follower named Peter [a disciple for Jesus, a black slave boy for St. Nick...not kidding] and they might have both been a little racist [see my last post for Jesus' racist leanings and as for St. Nick, well, I think the black slave boy thing speaks for itself].

The legend of these two men still exist today but one of them has a major world religion in his name while the other has really just one day attributed to him, which is coincidentally the day we celebrate the birth of the one with the world religion in his name. Both men went from humble beginnings to world-wide recognition and worship. But timing, apparently, is everything, and we have Christianity instead of a major world religion based on Santa Claus [But could you imagine it? No...really! A Santa Claus religion. Would we worship in giant toy shops or igloos? Would Santa Claus Is Coming To Town be a standard hymn? Would the reindeer be his disciples? The possibilities are endless]. 

What's the point here? Religion truly is an invention of man, and time and context play a major role. Just ask the makers any mp3 player before the ipod, or the builders of social websites before MySpace, or the clearly-ahead-of-their-time geniuses behind this shirt: