Sunday, September 7, 2008

angry after all?

so i might be angry about the move. i'm angry about something and yesterday chose to take it out on jen. which was reeeeal low on my part, seeing as she was sick for almost a week. it's been a while since we fought like we did, but fortunately we reconnected before real damage was done. she reminded me that i might be stressed from a six week stretch of here being gone, my mother here, both she and joy sick, and term papers due (although as far as the term papers go, i'm doing pretty good for a recovering procrstinator: only two and half with two weeks left).

she might be right, and maybe these things just triggered anger that was swirling around underneath. i honestly don't know if i'm angry about the move. i'll admit that it does throw a wrench in an expeditious conclusion to the program, but it's about the journey, not the destination, right? i'm actually ooking forward to being bicoastal-well more like bilocational-with one place providing breaks from all that goes slong with the other.

maybe it's the hidden curriculum at work, continually wringing out any vestiges of who i thought i was coming onto this program. maybe it's my fraud complex and self-doubt doing a number on me. maybe i just need a break. i've got a one day silent retreat scheduled for friday...right in the midst of crunch time (again, i'm more ahead of the curve than usual so not so much crunch this time). i'm hoping it'll provide the breather i need and give me some insight into what's going on for me.

i think i'm becoming too complex for even me to handle!