The Big "M"

So I got this friend who's generally not keen on the idea of marriage. The other day she asked me what's so special about signing that piece of paper? The question threw me for a minute; not because I don't have wonderful reasons to support marriage, but because signing the piece of paper was about the last reason I had for doing it. I don't think it even made the list.

Yes, that piece of paper is important in the legal context of marriage, but that's not what it's about. To be clear, I'm not using this to contradict my support for gay marriage...denying one group of people a right afforded to another group is discrimination, plain and simple. Even if that right is the intricately complex gift called marriage.

I can only speak for myself (and in part Jen but I've learned NOT to do that without prior agreement...did I mention the intricate complexities?), but something happens when you make a pledge of commitment in front of others and before God, however you understand God to be. It's like you're saying I'm going to make the effort and sacrifices to make this relationship work because I love this person standing across from me and who I am when I am with them. And marriage is work...any relationship is work if you want it to last. And, yes, you make can those promises to any significant other without 'signing a piece of paper' but again...something different happens when you do.

The best analogy (and y'all know you love my analogies!) I can come up with is this: Dating is like getting a bachelor's degree, and marriage is like getting a Doctorate! It takes a higher (and deeper) level of commitment, maturity, flexibility, sacrifice, connection, surrender, willingness. To play devil's advocate (and I do so love to play the part) perhaps I can make the case that this is an argument for lifetime commitment, and the best we have right now as a legal and religious 'catch-all' is the institution of marriage.

Could Jen & I have chosen to spend our lives together without getting married? Sure.

But trust me on this one...something deeper happened when we did.

So Glad She's Not A Pyromaniac!

I had a neglectful parenting moment the other day. I was exhausted and fell asleep for an hour. Fortunately, my child's not the type who likes to set fire to things when left unattended...like I was. I woke up and found her under the tree in the front yard... drawing. I feel so fortunate and blessed to have Joy as my daughter. So much so that I simultaneously want to have more and let her be an only child. As absurd as it sounds, I don't want to run the risk that number two doesn't turn out as well. Is that crazy?

My Daughter the Negotiator

I walked into the kitchen this morning to find a note from my sweet 8-yr-old scribbled on a napkin and clipped to a bag of potato chips. It read: "These are not for Daddy! respond? Love, Joy."

There are many nuances not to be missed. First, the implied declaration of ownership. She didn't write "These are mine" or "For Joy only". There's only two of us here right now, so if the chips aren't for me, by process of elimination...

Second, she actually gave me the opportunity to respond! In writing-there was a pen there too. I wasn't sure how to respond-there didn't seem to be room for a response; there wasn't even a question, but a declaration. So I asked her how I should respond. She said, "I don't know, but have fun with it!"

Third, she's claiming the chips, not planning on being affected by my response, but doing it all in Love.

Proud to be her Dad!