Love...

[Spoiler alert: this is gonna be a sappy post.]

Over the last four days I encountered the kind of love that simply tore my heart a new one. They had nothing to do with Christmas [thankfully...I'm already burning out] yet couldn't have turned up in my life at a better time.


The first came on the form of a novel: The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao. I downloaded the audiobook [plug:emusic.com] for the road-trip here and was not disappointed by this Pulitzer prize winner. If you read only one book next year, let this be the one. The author Junot Diaz weaves a story of three generations, which takes a while so hang in there-I think it's so worth it. The depth of pure love and heartbreak he ascribes to the main characters was almost too much to handle while driving. And as the title suggests, it wasn't about happy endings. Love often isn't about happy endings.




Last night I had the honor of being invited to the 50th anniversary and re-commitment celebration of Al & Edith Henderson. They are an elder couple here at the church in Raleigh and they , Al especially, have taken a liking to Jennifer. Al was just the dapper romantic: reading poetry to his new-again bride, pulling out her chair, soft guiding touches. I had thought it strange the Edith seemed a little underwhelmed by the event until Jen told me that a few years ago she had a massive stroke and was in a coma. The doctors had been pessimistic. Her very existence was somewhat of a miracle. Al took care of her through it all. I'm about to hit the 10 year mark and it's wigging me out a little [ok...a lot, don't ask me why...working on it]. I can't begin to wrap my mind around what it would take to make a relationship last that long. That level of commitment and compromise seems beyond me right now [to be clear, I can see myself with Jen forever, I'm just not able to quantify what I'll need to do to get there]. They left us with some clues. My favorite: "Yesterday ended at midnight."


And if that wasn't enough, we left the party to go see Seven Pounds. We were forewarned [so heed the warning] that this was a heavy movie. Critics said it was too heavy for the holidays, but I disagree. Granted, I had to engage in a round of deep breathing to control my heart which felt like it jump out of my chest and go save the world. This was a story about love, loss, redemption, and giving on a level reserved for those who are emotionally imbalanced to unspeakable degrees. Perfect for the season! And on a side note, Rosario Dawson, even in that sickly pallor, never looked hotter. Wow is all I gotta say [to the movie...and to Rosario too].

I acknowledge that two of the three examples were fictional. Yet the fact that such levels of love can exist at the very least in someone's mind gives me the hope and inspiration that they can exist in reality. And they do. People make unfathomable sacrifices for others every minute in every corner of the world. The economy may be causing some of us to lament about the smaller piles under the tree this year. But the best gifts are usually not the material ones. Just give of your heart.

Play it again Sam

We decided to give our piano to family friends who've always wanted one. They've got a six-year-old who is the 2nd [duh!] most amazingly adorable little girl I've ever met and they have visions of piano lessons and Christmas sing-alongs. I didn't have the heart to tell them that it's a pipe dream...it's good to have something to grasp onto no matter how fleeting.

My friend showed up with movers and the piano is gone...and I'm sad.

We made some good memories with that cheap never-stayed-in-tune studio upright. I wrote some great music on that thing. We did have our share of sing-alongs with family and friends. It's gotten me laid quite a lot 'cause the wife loves it when I play & sing to her, especially original stuff. I've used it for venting, processing, sorting out my thoughts, catharting, meditating. There'd be times when I was in some kind of mental or emotional vortex and couldn't see a way out. I'd sit, play the first chords that came to me, next thing I know an hour's disappeared and all's right with the world again.

So why are we, two music-therapists-turned-ministers and still occasional song-writers getting rid of it? Simple. We're tired of hauling that thing around the country. Pianos are friggin' heavy! Ten years, four houses, two states, and one child later, we're just tired of hauling it around. It was gifted to us by our former [and pretty much still present] minister who hauled it to Virginia from the mid-west. We hauled it back here to Missouri and figured it didn't need an east coast sequel.

Yes, I used the word 'haul' in some form repeatedly because it is a haul; there ain't nothing easy about moving a piano. Unles you're professional movers who strap it on a dolly which they strap to themselves and lift it down icy steps in under 5 minutes. I don't feel they suffered enough to have hauled off a bunch of my favorite memories.

I guess I still got the memories.

I just don't have a piano.

It's a Crying Shame

So I read two articles about guilt that had me stupified with disbelief. Wait...Stupify is a Harry Potter spell isn't it? Damn! I've been using that word in real life! Thanks a lot J. K. Rowling-stupid-words-into-our-vocabulary. But I digress. I was reading about Tivo Guilt and Luxury Shame.

Tivo Guilt is the phenomenon of feeling bad about all the TV shows you've got piled up on your DVR that you know you won't find the time to watch but can't bring yourself to erase because you have some strange attachment to having them on your DVR. What?! Anybody else old enough to remember when the VCR came out and the fact you could actually watch something other than what was on TV anytime you wanted was the greatest technological miracle EVER!! And now we're feeling guilty because we can horde retarded programming at the lazy touch of a button? C'mon folks....IT'S JUST TV! ENTER-FRIGGIN'-TAINMENT!! NOT REAL LIFE!!!! And don't get me wrong, I'm a big TV fan-boy myself (was bawling my eyes out today at this week's Private Practice...yes, I'm a sensitive guy, love me anyways), and I looooooove my DVR, but if I miss something, it's ok. If I can't find time to watch it, it's ok. My standing rule is this: If it's a series I'm dedicated to (Grey's, Private Practice, Eli Stone, Terminator:SCC, Daily show, Colbert Report, Sunny in Philly) I'll hold an episode for up to 3 weeks. If I haven't watched it by then, it proobably ain't gonna happen. Learn to let go...make room for something better (Chocolate News anyone?).

But Luxury Shame really had me at a loss. Apparently some richer-than-God folks feel bad about spending their money on useless crap-as-usual because us poor folk aren't doing so well. How messed up is that?! I don't want your pity. You feel bad? Buy me some crap-as-usual and we'll all feel better! The irony here is, as I best understand it (which ain't saying much), lack of spending is one of the biggest reasons the economy is in the toilet. And the rich folk are feeling bad and not spending because I can't? Don't they get they're actually making things worse! GIVE YOUR MONEY AWAY IF YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT HAVING IT ALREADY!!!!! I got a mortgage you could take care of, and some credit card bills, and my daughter's only 8 but next thing you know it's college time.

I can guarantee you that I will never feel shame when I have too much money to spend. Why? Because I'mgoing to give away BOATLOADS of it. I believe in the principle of flow; give and receive; universal reciprocity, if you will. I believe Bill Gates continues to be one of richest men in the world because of how much he gives away through his foundation. Yeah, Microsoft can suck it (love my Zune tho!) but his foundation has done worlds of good.

The only thing I'm ashamed about right now is eating waaaay too much sausage for breakfast.

The Big "M"

So I got this friend who's generally not keen on the idea of marriage. The other day she asked me what's so special about signing that piece of paper? The question threw me for a minute; not because I don't have wonderful reasons to support marriage, but because signing the piece of paper was about the last reason I had for doing it. I don't think it even made the list.

Yes, that piece of paper is important in the legal context of marriage, but that's not what it's about. To be clear, I'm not using this to contradict my support for gay marriage...denying one group of people a right afforded to another group is discrimination, plain and simple. Even if that right is the intricately complex gift called marriage.

I can only speak for myself (and in part Jen but I've learned NOT to do that without prior agreement...did I mention the intricate complexities?), but something happens when you make a pledge of commitment in front of others and before God, however you understand God to be. It's like you're saying I'm going to make the effort and sacrifices to make this relationship work because I love this person standing across from me and who I am when I am with them. And marriage is work...any relationship is work if you want it to last. And, yes, you make can those promises to any significant other without 'signing a piece of paper' but again...something different happens when you do.

The best analogy (and y'all know you love my analogies!) I can come up with is this: Dating is like getting a bachelor's degree, and marriage is like getting a Doctorate! It takes a higher (and deeper) level of commitment, maturity, flexibility, sacrifice, connection, surrender, willingness. To play devil's advocate (and I do so love to play the part) perhaps I can make the case that this is an argument for lifetime commitment, and the best we have right now as a legal and religious 'catch-all' is the institution of marriage.

Could Jen & I have chosen to spend our lives together without getting married? Sure.

But trust me on this one...something deeper happened when we did.

How do you wake up?

One of my favorite spiritual teachers told me that the intention with which we start our day tends to dictate how that day goes. Problem is many of us start with fear & deception. We scare ourselves awake with loud blaring alarms then hit snooze, essentially lying to ourselves about wanting to start our day.

I usuallly wake up too dazed to even remember my name so I let music set help me start the day right.

Here's what I wake up to:

1. GOOD MORNING (INTRO) - John Legend - Birds chirping, yawning, strings, soft crooning

2. GOOD MORNING - John Legend - "Before we start the day I'm whispering in your ear...Good morning." Wake up love song. It's a new additiong to the list & Jen hasn't heard it yet but ikm thinking it'll lead to some morning suga.

3. GOOD MORNING - Lenny Kravitz - "Good morning, nice to see you, how ya been, the beginning of another lovely day." Mellow Lenny walks us through morning routine including cold shower. It is nice to see the family first thing.

4. RAINBOW - G. Love - "I woke up this morning rainbow filled the sky...that was God telling me everything's goona be alright." Nuf said.

5. THREE LITTLE BIRDS - Bob Marley - "Don't worry about a thing cause every little thing's gonna be alright." I believe I always see the glass-half-full because I grew up embedding songs like this into my consciousness.

6. I SAW GOD - Victor Wooten - "I saw God the other day...she looked like you...he looked like me." On the latest solo album (Palmystery) from Bela Fleck's bassist. It ain't easy seeing the divinity in some folks so it helps to start with a daily reminder.

7. YOU ARE THE UNIVERSE - The Brand New Heavies - "You are the universe, and there ain't nothing you can't do...you're a driver not a passenger in life" A fun affirmation song by my favorite British imports.

8. CITIZEN OF THE PLANET - Alanis Morrissette - "I am a Citizen of the Planet...my laws are of attraction...my favorite pastime is stretching." I don't need to go on again about my big love for AM. This song humbly reminds me that it ain't all about me...most of the time ;)

9. ENERGY - The Apples In Stereo - "And the world is made of energy...and the world is synchronicity...and the world is possibility" Fun pop romp just in case I'm actually still in bed at this point.

10. ALLE-ALLELUIA - Rickie Byars Beckwith - "Surrounded by the Presence...the source of all creation all creation allows my heart to sing again." Just in case the day before sucked, I got another chance to sing & smile. This song actually starts with annoying old-school alarm bell ringing so it's last onthe list.

So my early holiday gift to all of you who might be reading this: go to http://www.box.net/shared/hegnx86g07 and download the tracks. No cost to you but I no guarantees they'll all play since not all are in mp3 format.

So reply and tell me...HOW DO YOU WAKE UP?

I gave a 3-min talk in my Homeletics class today centered around our camping experience. I griped enough about comping before, but I admit I had a great time this weekend. So while a 3-min talk (2:40 to be precise) doesn't quite encapsulate the experience, it's a pretty good relfection on what I came away with. Plus, I'm just to lazy right now to type a whole new thing about it.

(Disclaimer: The talk had to follow a particular format, so if it seems rote and repititious and non-spontaneous [i.e. so NOT me!] it's not my fault...i promise)

During the summer of 2006 I had a camping experience I would just as soon forget. I was part of a wilderness adventure in the Wind River Range outside Lander, WY. After trudging through mosquito infested woods and mud for 4 days with 9 strangers at 10,000 ft while carrying a 40lb backpack, I developed High Altitude Pulmonary Edema (or fluid on my lungs), and I had to be evacuated and hospitalized. So when my wife said we were going camping I thought my objections were well justified.
But after my camping experience this past weekend, I realize that camping is an invaluable family experience.
You see, camping creates unbreakable bonds.
Camping creates unbreakable bonds in two ways: first, it creates opportunities for cooperation, and second, it promotes a sense of belonging.
Many aspects of camping call for cooperation: assembling the tent, gathering firewood, building a fire, cooking, and cleaning up. These tasks are accomplished with greater ease and speed when done together, leaving more time for another valuable cooperation opportunity: fun & games.
I say again, camping creates unbreakable bonds.
Camping promotes a sense of belonging through the working, playing, and sharing together as a team. As she sat on my lap during share-time around the campfire, my 8-year-old daughter made me feel like father of the year when she said, and I quote, “I feel appreciated here…like I belong.”
Through camping, your family can experience cooperation and a sense of belonging that will remain long after the trip.
Because, camping creates unbreakable bonds.
So make some time to go camping. It just takes one weekend.
I may want to forget my Wyoming experience, but I can’t wait to make more camping memories with my family.